Howard McEwen

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So I pulled a knife on a woman….

December 30th, 2011 · No Comments

No not really. But she acted as if I did.

So it’s pre-7 am and I’m in the automated check-out lane at the Kroger store buying a 12-pack of Diet Dr. K. I’m a frugal caffienne addict, you see.

I reached into my right hand pocket to pull out my wallet. Now also in that right pocket I keep my trust and useful Swiss Army knife. When I pulled out my wallet I clumsily also pulled out my knife. I had a hold on the wallet but not the knife. The latter went skipping across the tiled floor coming to a stop near the feet of a middle-aged white woman of surburban demeanor.

She looked aghast at me.

Why do you feel the need to carry a weapon? she asked frantically. The early morning fog that was in my head kept me from processing her question.

A weapon? It’s a Swiss Army knife, I said.

I just don’t see the need for it, she siad then stormed off with a box of donuts I’m sure was going to be shared with her fellow cubicle people. (N.B. I am a cubicle person)

I guess a Swiss Army knife is a weapon. Of sorts. But I use it mainly to open envelopes. A man can’t carry one now without being looked on as a threat? We’re turning into a nation of weenies.

Tags: Rants

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